Did you ever think you might not be all that smart?  If you’re really dumb, you probably haven’t.  I’ve think about it sometimes, even though I seem to be fairly bright.  Of course, if I’m not so smart, I’ll probably would like I’m smarter than I really I am.

I’d rather have almost any problem that dumbness.  Almost.  Horrible diseases would be worse, as would disfiguring scars.  Face tattoos may be worse.  Morbid obesity, too, but you might be able to do something about that.

I recently wrote a post about stupidity and one its key elements–dumbness. After I wrote it, it got me thinking (See? I’m not dumb).  My observations, while spot on as usual, are of no aid to a man or woman who does not realize his or her own dumbness.  While my post may have been of benefit in identifying the dumb or truly stupid, it left a gaping hole.  How do you know if you yourself are dumb or possibly even stupid?

It strikes me that the truly dumb don’t know it.  How could they?  If someone pointed it out, they may not understand.  This would be especially true if that someone was a smart person.  It may all be above their heads.

I thought devising a quiz for dumbness.  But the dumb probably aren’t good test-takers.  How could they trust the test results?

Instead, I offer certain red flags for your consideration.  Below are telltale signs of dumbness.  I don’t write this to offend, although I surely will.  Consider it a public service:

YOU BELIEVE IN CONSPIRACIES

The dumber you are the more conspiracies you believe.  Even believing in just one is a bad sign.  Multiple?  Uh oh.  Here’s the deal with conspiracies:  They get found out.  People can’t keep their mouths shut.  Someone talks.

Here’s a helpful rule of thumb:  If you believe in a conspiracy and at least one of the conspirators is alive, it probably didn’t happen.

Let’s take the JFK assassination, the grand daddy of all conspiracies.  Quite a few smart people believe this one.  According to the theorists, Lee Harvey Oswald, Jack Ruby, Clay Shaw, J.D. Tippit, Lyndon Johnson, The Warren Commission, the Mafia and many, many others were all involved.  There are many variations on this conspiracy, enough to fill several books–which they have. None of the conspirators ever cracked and made public their story.  Weird, huh? Hundreds–maybe thousands–of people coordinated to kill one man and everyone kept their mouth shut.  Do you know why?  BECAUSE IT DIDN’T HAPPEN.

What about the moon landing?  Lots of folks think it didn’t happen.  Are you one of them?  They can point to many “facts” supporting their claims.  All of those have been debunked; however, any skeptic is just part of the conspiracy.  I was a kid when Neil Armstrong walked on the moon.  Another kid told me that it couldn’t happen because “the moon would turn to blood.”  It didn’t.

How about 9/11?  Think George W. Bush orchestrated it?  If so, he is the most evil and diabolical mind to ever sit in the White House.  Do you really believe that?

There are a couple of things that drive conspiracies.  One is that some things seem too big not to be part of some larger evil.  How could a little piss ant like Lee Oswald shoot the President?  How could a bunch of loons just waltz into our country and fly planes into buildings?  There must be some explanation!  Other things–like the moon landing–are so fantastic that they lend themselves to wild theories.

Sadly, dumbness also drives conspiracy theories.  I’m sure some dumb guy reading this now thinks I’m in the CIA.  Maybe I am.

YOU HATE SMART PEOPLE

Do you think smart people lack “common sense?”  Do you think people who attend the top universities are “elitists?”  Do you call people who excel academically names, like “nerd” and “dork?”  If so, you have a great chance of being dumb.

The really smart folks are the ones who made our lives worth living.  They invented almost everything.  I’m sure there a few things that dumb guys invented, maybe the toilet paper holder or Bluetooth headsets.  Regardless, smart people have made most of the good stuff.

A guy once told me that I lacked common sense because I didn’t know how to trap a bear.  Really?  If you find yourself saying something like, stop.  You are treading the path of dumbness.

Likewise, people who attend the finest universities in our country also tend to be smart.  Okay, there are some “legacies” who get in these schools, too.  (George W. Bush, the entire Kennedy family, etc.).  Overall, though, these are the best and the brightest.  Be glad they go to these schools.  They come up with stuff like microwave ovens, satellites, cell phones, face transplants and computer software.  Of course, you don’t have to go to one of these schools to do well, but it won’t hurt you.

Plenty of smart don’t go to the best schools.  Bill Gates is an example.  They’re still plenty smart. They’re not elitists.  They’re just smart.  If you don’t understand that, well…..you get the picture.  Or maybe not.

Oh, being well-educated doesn’t necessarily make you smart.  I’m a lawyer, and there are plenty of dumb lawyers.

Smart people are the ones you are tempted to deride by pointing out their lack of social graces or general “coolness.”  They’re also probably signing your pay checks.

YOU USE NON-WORDS

There are a lot of words in the English language, probably thousands.  I’m sure other languages have just as many or even more than we do.  There’s really no reason to make up words. I’m not talking about colloquialisms or even words like “ain’t.”  As we know, “ain’t” ain’t a word, but we use it.  Where I grew up, it’s as much a part of the language as any other word.  I’m really talking about words that just flat aren’t words.  Here’s a partial list:

• Supposably
• Irregardless
• Hain’t (the correct word is “ain’t.”)
• Mater
• Efforting
• Ath-a-lete
• Drowneded
• Excape
• Orientate
• Interpretate
• Nucular
• Reoccur

Of course, this list could go on and on.  Don’t even get me started on things like “I could care less,”  which means you actually do care, at least to some extent.  If you continually use fake words, you might not be the sharpest knife in the drawer.  Stop it.  If you can stop, then you’re not dumb.  If you don’t understand any of this…you know that means.  I guess.

YOU BELIEVE EVERYTHING ON THE INTERNET

The Internet is wonderful. It’s hard to imagine life before it, although many of us remember those times.  We would thumb through over-sized newspapers, staining our hands with news print just to find out what yesterday.  Now, the world is instantaneously at our fingertips. The downside, of course, is that the Internet is available to everyone without filter and certainly without editors.

Here’s a story I heard on the Internet last Fall:

President Obama is planning to throw the 2012 Election.  He has already built a massive compound in Hawaii to which he will move in January 2013.  He will then be named Secretary-General of the UN.  Then, he will be free to live openly as a Muslim.  He will then impose a one-world order.  He and Michelle will get divorced so that he can then live as a gay man.  It is well-known that he and Rahm Emanuel belong to a Chicago gay men’s club called the Down Low Club.

I didn’t make that up.  Google it.  It’s out there.  It seems that this story wasn’t true, but people believed it.  Someone emailed it to me.  If you believe stories like this, it isn’t good.  If it’s on the Internet, it may not be true, especially if doesn’t sound true.  Here are some other things on the Internet that aren’t true:

• The government has a plan to put computer chips under our hides.
• Members of Congress get paid their full salaries for life.
• Obama wears a secret Muslim ring.
• The UN has a plan to confiscate all our guns.
• Starbucks won’t serve members of the military.

Again, this is just a small sampling.  If you read something on the Internet-especially if it is about someone you despise–think about it.  If you’re even half-way smart, you’ll be suspicious of the fake ones.

Just don’t believe what you read on the Internet.  In fact, you’re on the Internet right now (unless you’ve taken to printing my popular blog).  You shouldn’t even believe this.  Trust me.

Here’s a test.  Log on to Facebook. Scroll. Soon, you will see a post about some outrageous offense, usually involving a politician.  If you are tempted to “like” or repost it, STOP.  Google the story or go to Snopes.com (which, by the way, is not funded or owned by George Soros).  If you believe the story regardless of proof to the contrary, oh well.

CONCLUSION

If you question whether you’re dumb, you probably aren’t, unless it’s because people are always telling you that you’re dumb.  Of course, if those people are themselves dumb, it may not mean anything.

I do not consider myself as expert nor am I fit to judge.  I am, however, fit to offer my opinions, dumb or not.  After all, this is the Internet.  Irregardless, it has to be true.

©thetrivialtroll.wordpress.com 2013