Four Years and Four Forecasts

I often make predictions.  They are often correct.  By “often” I mean “sometimes.”  For example, I once predicted that every match in the World Cup would end in a 0-0 (or “nil-nil” as we futbol fans say) tie.  I was correct 68% of the time.  I also  predicted that my son would be placed on academic probation based upon his failure to attend any of his classes.  Correct again.

Oh, sure, I also predicted that New Coke would be a hit and that Milli Vanilli would launch a successful comeback.  It strikes me, though, that predictions mean nothing if I don’t share them with someone.   That way, others can perhaps benefit from knowing what’s going to happen or not.

I had an aunt who was a fortune-teller.  She had a crystal ball and everything.  Madame Ruth, she was called.  So, this may be in my blood.  Come to think of it, she was only my aunt by marriage.  I guess I got it somewhere else.

With this in mind, I offer a few predictions for the coming years–four for each of the next four years.  Let’s call it the 4×4 Forecast:


  • Beginning immediately, the word “Lebron” will be uttered during every ESPN Sportscenter broadcast until 30 days after the death of Lebron James in 2062.
  • Justin Beiber will  do something embarrassing in public.
  • A politician will become embroiled in a sex scandal.
  • You will inadvertently “sext” one of your former teachers resulting in a torrid May-December romance.


  • The return of Jesus Christ will receive scant notice in the press as it will occur on the same day as Prince George utters his first word.
  • Kim Jong Un will be photographed looking at stuff.
  • One of your close friends will obtain a copy of the Gay Agenda and recruit you into homosexuality.
  • Revisionist historians will connect the late Junior Samples to the Kennedy Assassination.


  • Texas Governor Rick Perry will stab Jim Lehrer with a fountain pen during a televised debate in an effort to buy time to think of an answer.
  • Abe Lincoln will leap from the grave sometime during April.
  • You will see someone you are sure you know but you will not remember his or her name.
  • As expected, a Clinton takes the White House.  Not so expected, it will musician George Clinton who will rename Washington, D.C. “Funkadelphia.”


  • In early March, the EPA will surprisingly announce that global warming is actually a good thing.
  • Violence will break out among radicalized Anabaptists resulting in numerous suicide buggy attacks on barns throughout Ohio and Pennsylvania.
  • After having experienced Same Sex Divorce, the LGBT community will lead a campaign to ban Same Sex Marriage.
  • The Chicago Cubs will win the World Series.  (Okay, I just made that one up.)

So, there you have it.  Four predictions a year for four years.  Some of it will happen.  Or not.

© 2014